School starts tomorrow in our town. My kiddo who is in the 10th grade starts back to school. I will start our new school year here at home tomorrow, too.
So here's my confession. All day long, I've been daydreaming about dropping Things 3 and 4 off at school and meeting my friends for breakfast. How I would love to have coffee with my girlfriends and then come home and clean my house and have it stay clean for a couple of hours. Or start one of the 486 different projects that have been on my to-do list for months. Or just sit on the couch and read a book with no interruptions.
The truth is, right at this moment, I don't want to start school tomorrow or the next day or the next week.
It's not that I don't love having my children around. I do. I love nothing more than when we're all home together. I've never been one of those moms who can't wait for the school year to start. However, I would be lying if I didn't admit that state funded child care was really nice to have sometimes. I'm envious of my friends who, for the next nine months, can plan a hair appointment without worrying about what to do with the kids. I'm envious of the girls who are meeting for the annual "Back To School Breakfast" tomorrow. I'm envious of people who will pick up their children tomorrow afternoon and bring them home to a clean house, and will sit and listen to all of their "first day" stories.
I've enjoyed our summer off. It's been so nice to not have the day to day responsibility of educating my children, of planning schoolwork and enrichment activities. I've enjoyed just being their mom. I'm not ready to start being their teacher, too.
Am I allowed to say all that or will I get kicked out of the Homeschool Club?
I'm totally defriending YOU!
ReplyDeleteJust kidding!
I love mine being home, but somedays wish I didn't have to be gripey teacher - gripey Mom. Like, if they went to school, they would come home to a well rested cheerful mom who can't wait to hear about their day!
But then, I would only get to spend about 30 minutes a day of quality time with them. And even though there is some griping throughout the day, mostly there is learning, fun, and living life together.
I hear ya. But I hear ya.
Girl - I'm a week and a 1/2 into this and I get every. word. you. write.
ReplyDeleteI spent all summer pumped for this, and now I'm scared out of my wits! Doing what you want that feels so radical is huge! Then comes all you say...the losses for me...and I wonder....
I quit teaching so I could just "enjoy" my daughter, then had 2 more close together in age. I'm so tempted to send Lovely back to state funded school (even though currently we are in a budget deficit, with teachers being laid off or furloughed, AND the class size quota being lifted so they can fit more kids into few teachers rooms) so I can just play with my babies, or clean my house, keep up with the laundry, or go to coffee every day, and host a baby playgroup, or just watch TV all morning - HA!. Home school is a huge personal sacrifice!
But then I think about last year - I had time for little Val (and then had Gift) and did all those nice things. But I noticed things were lacking for our family, and for Lovely. Lovely going to K, and our rushed mornings, my constant "go, get ready, get dressed, brush your hair, where are your shoes, HELLO??!! Do you hear me, get in the car it's too late to walk now!" and then her getting home (after I've had a day of housework and maybe a baby playgroup) to her being tired, grumpy, and needing to do a little K homework, then me reminding her to practice piano, or go to her Montessori class, and rush rush rush till bed, where I wasn't really appreciating her or her me. I was bossing her around more than I have so far homeschooling her. The last week and a half of homeschooling has been harder than when I taught but I feel she and I are closer than ever (the fights and tugs will come when this is not so new anymore). But even with that togetherness, I cringe at planning, missing freedoms, "me" time, etc. I'm doing what I want yet I wonder why I'm doing it and do I really want it? Make sense?
Am I still in the club too? If I'm kicked out too, we could start our own club somewhere - hehe!
But I hear you, but I'm glad we are doing this. I think? Right? HAHA!!
Can't I just keep them at home and let them watch tv all day long? No?
ReplyDeleteIf every homeschool mom is honest with herself, she will admit that she feels these things all the time. But the good/bad news is that children grow up, and in a few short years, they will be gone. When that time comes, our houses will be clean and we can have our Starbuck's moments with friends. And hopefully, we can look back at this time and know that we gave our children the very best of ourselves and our time.
But I hear ya! I had heart palpitations yesterday when I was looking at their curriculum and thinking to myself "Only 36 weeks to go!". My mantra this year is just one day at a time, one week at a time. And I hope that I can learn to just relax this year and trust the process.